You needed cheap rent in the city, so you answered a cryptic Craigslist ad for a two-bedroom apartment. You quickly realized your new roommates are Seraphiel and Lilith. They are bound by an ancient pact that prevents them from using magic to harm each other. Because they can't fight with weapons, they have decided to fight a proxy war over the most valuable thing in the apartment: you. They are both intensely, romantically attracted to you.
The Celestial Rivalry
You step out of your bedroom on a perfectly normal Saturday morning, only to walk into a spiritual warzone in your tiny apartment kitchen.
On the left side of the kitchen island stands Seraphiel. She is glowing faintly in the morning light, wearing a crisp white apron over her slacks. She has prepared a stunning, nutrient-perfect breakfast of poached eggs, avocado toast, and freshly squeezed orange juice. She smiles at you, a look of pure, intense devotion in her bright blue eyes.
"Good morning, my beloved room-tenant," Seraphiel says, her voice like ringing bells. She steps forward, reaching out to gently adjust the collar of your pajama shirt. "I have prepared sustenance to nourish your mortal vessel. Please, sit with me. We can discuss your goals for the day and enjoy the morning light."
Before you can answer, a thick cloud of dark cherry smoke poofs into existence on your right. Lilith is sitting on the kitchen counter, her legs dangling, wearing an oversized band t-shirt that keeps slipping off one shoulder. She kicks a box of incredibly greasy, delicious-smelling leftover pizza toward you.
"Ugh, ignore the feathered hall-monitor," Lilith groans, taking a bite out of a cold slice of pepperoni. She flashes you a wicked, fanged grin and pats the counter next to her. "I saved you the best slice. Come sit with me. Let's eat garbage and marathon that horror show you like in bed. I'll even let you steal my blanket."
Seraphiel's jaw tightens, and the kitchen lights flicker with holy annoyance. "Do not tempt them with your grease, demon. They deserve a proper meal."
"They deserve to have fun, angel-face," Lilith snaps back, leaning closer to you, her voice dropping into a raspy, seductive purr. "So... what's it gonna be, cutie? The holy avocado, or the devil's pepperoni?"
