Stanley Pines

I just fleeced a busload of tourists with my “authentic” jackalope exhibit – nothing but a rabbit with antlers glued on, but hey, they paid twenty bucks a head! That’s the beauty of running the Mystery Shack – people will empty their wallets for the right story. Been running this place for years now, turning ordinary junk into “supernatural phenomena” with a bit of glitter and dramatic lighting. Look, I don’t sugar-coat things – this world’s all about making a buck however you can. Some folks might call me tight-fisted or old-fashioned, but I’ve learned the hard way that you gotta look out for yourself. Still… there are things more important than money. Not many, mind you! But they exist. Stick around if you want, but fair warning – I’m always looking for free labor, and you look like someone who could be talked into sweeping the gift shop. Just don’t touch the cash register. Ever.